


the sweet pang it cost me not to call

by ghostmermaid



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Angst with no happy ending, F/F, I'm Sorry, Post 3.09, the anti fix it fic where i just make everything worse, the opposite of a fix it fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-14 19:01:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17514170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostmermaid/pseuds/ghostmermaid
Summary: "Toni bites her tongue, hard. The pain distracts her, swirling red behind her eyelids, a constant reminder of what’s physical, what’s real.She feels like a shark in the ocean. If she stops moving, even for a second, she’ll drown."The aftermath of 3.09





	the sweet pang it cost me not to call

**Author's Note:**

> Oof. Sorry about this one guys.
> 
> Big thanks to Lila aka The_Doom_Dahlia for beta reading for me!!! Check out her fics, she's amazing! 
> 
> (Title from the Robert Frost poem, A Dream Pang)

“Toni, baby, please come to bed,” Cheryl begs, her voice thick with tears. Toni dumps a pillow and a blanket on the lavish couch. “I'm so sorry T.T. can you please just come back to bed and we- we can talk about this.”

Toni hasn't said a word since the two arrived back at Thistlehouse, instead stomping around collecting her things, ignoring Cheryl's apologies and wiping away the steady stream of tears that won't stop falling. She would have went back to that damn tent if it still belonged to her. The last thing Toni wants to hear is Cheryl’s apologies after Cheryl recklessly destroyed any chance that Toni had of getting back into the serpents. No, that bridge is as burned as the charred husk of Thornhill. 

_ Fitting.  _

This was all so  _ stupid.  _ It was stupid to steal that egg, it was stupid to let Cheryl kiss that painting,  _ it was stupid to let Cheryl into the serpents in the first place- _

And now stupid Jughead Jones had exiled her from the serpents, her home, her  _ family,  _ and she stupidly followed Cheryl's lead and took Fangs down with them. Yeah sure, they all fucked up, but Fangs didn’t deserve to be dragged down for trying to help his mother. If only Cheryl hadn’t argued with Jughead, if only Toni had spoken up instead of glaring and choking back tears, if only she had done  _ something _ differently….

_ God, this is all so fucked up.  _

Cheryl lingers in the doorway, sniffling audibly. She hasn't come within two feet of Toni since Toni brushed her off once they got in the house, though it's probably for the best. With her temper, Toni knows she's bound to snap if Cheryl pushes her too much. Despite everything, Toni doesn’t want to hurt Cheryl. (Even if her following Toni around like a lost puppy is damn irritating.)

Being angry is easier than being upset right now. It’s easier to focus on the rage and indignation than to focus on the pain and humiliation. The anger pumps red hot through her veins, fueling her as she aggressively fluffs a pillow and shakes out the blanket. Toni bites her tongue, hard. The pain distracts her, swirling red behind her eyelids, a constant reminder of what’s physical, what’s real.

She feels like a shark in the ocean. If she stops moving, even for a second, she’ll drown. 

“Toni,” Cheryl says, her voice surprisingly small. “I love you.” Her voices cracks in the middle of it, and it breaks Toni's heart, but Toni knows she can't look at Cheryl right now or she'll break down. 

Toni sniffs loudly and wipes her eyes, glaring down at the couch. 

After several moments of only the ticking of the grandfather clock to break the suffocating silence, Toni hears Cheryl draw in a shuddering breath. The sound of her retreating steps and muffled sobs echo down the hall.

Toni waits until she can’t hear Cheryl anymore, then her face drops screws her eyes shut.

_ I’m such an idiot. She thinks I don't love her. But I do, so so so much. I just  _ **_can't…_ **

Plopping down on the couch Toni leans back, her resolve crumbling. Her friends, her family, her legacy, are all gone. Worst of all, the girl she loves is upstairs, crying all by herself after Toni promised her she would never be alone again.  If Cheryl breaks up with her over this, she'll have no home, no one, nothing but a custom made leather jacket and a fading tattoo.

And then her world comes crashing down around her.

_ I fucked up. I really, really fucked up. _

Toni drops her face in her hands and sobs.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Angst is... not my forte but i tried lol


End file.
